I have been very emotional today. You may have read my post from yesterday. I can't get the kids from the orphanage out of my mind. So many of them were sick. When I hear about some of them passing away, I get so many emotions. I get so sad and mad at the same time. Why do innocent children have to die? I just don't understand it. My heart is so heavy. I am praying, God how will you use me?
I have to admit, I have cried a lot in the last 24 hours. I am not trying to sound like a drama queen just keepin it real. I think about the orphans, and how lucky we are to have Ayana. She was very sick when we picked her up in Ethiopia yet very healthy compared to a lot of the infants. She had double ear infections, severe upper respiratory infection. She could barely breath she was so congested. She was coughing a lot. She also had scabies and a VERY bad diaper rash. Practically open sores her butt was so raw. She was also just getting over the chicken pox. When I heard about the little one that passed away, I think how lucky we are. I think about how easy it would have been for Ayana to get Staph infection from her diaper rash or for her weak immune system to give up after all the illness. I hold Ayana tight and thank Jesus for the precious life He has brought to us.
A few minutes ago, Ayana woke up crying and I went in to get her and as I held her I started crying again. I can't help it. I feel so blessed to her have her. I love her beyond belief. She brings me such joy just looking at her. What about the other children? Who is going to help them? Who will take care of them when they are sick? Who will make sure they live? I just kept hugging Ayana and kissing her. I'm sure she was thinking, "OK mom, I just needed my diaper change not an emotional break down."
I hate being so emotional but then again I don't. I don't want to be emotionally hardened to this. It is REAL! Anyway, I will continue to pray. How would God use me?