Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Emotional, and I can't help it

If you are in a hurry, the photos are below. :)

I have been very emotional today. You may have read my post from yesterday. I can't get the kids from the orphanage out of my mind. So many of them were sick. When I hear about some of them passing away, I get so many emotions. I get so sad and mad at the same time. Why do innocent children have to die? I just don't understand it. My heart is so heavy. I am praying, God how will you use me?

I have to admit, I have cried a lot in the last 24 hours. I am not trying to sound like a drama queen just keepin it real. I think about the orphans, and how lucky we are to have Ayana. She was very sick when we picked her up in Ethiopia yet very healthy compared to a lot of the infants. She had double ear infections, severe upper respiratory infection. She could barely breath she was so congested. She was coughing a lot. She also had scabies and a VERY bad diaper rash. Practically open sores her butt was so raw. She was also just getting over the chicken pox. When I heard about the little one that passed away, I think how lucky we are. I think about how easy it would have been for Ayana to get Staph infection from her diaper rash or for her weak immune system to give up after all the illness. I hold Ayana tight and thank Jesus for the precious life He has brought to us.

A few minutes ago, Ayana woke up crying and I went in to get her and as I held her I started crying again. I can't help it. I feel so blessed to her have her. I love her beyond belief. She brings me such joy just looking at her. What about the other children? Who is going to help them? Who will take care of them when they are sick? Who will make sure they live? I just kept hugging Ayana and kissing her. I'm sure she was thinking, "OK mom, I just needed my diaper change not an emotional break down."

I hate being so emotional but then again I don't. I don't want to be emotionally hardened to this. It is REAL! Anyway, I will continue to pray. How would God use me?













Lilypie Waiting to adopt Ticker

17 comments:

Beautiful Mess said...

Thank you for sharing. I know it is hard to understand. But so you'll know, you are making an impact further than the life of one child; whether you see it or not.

Your daughters are beautiful! God bless.

Angela said...

Hi Amber,

I empathize with you. I too wonder what more can I do. So many people are affected by the economy in our own country but we have much more to look forward to.

I will spread the message. I will draw compassion in my local community for the children of Africa. We have to realize despite our woes we still have room to give in most circumstances. The woman and children of Ethiopia won't get a bail out.

D said...

Amber, I totally get your post! You cannot go there and come back the same...unless you are a cold person. I'm sure God will let us all know how we are to act. Hang in there.

Becky said...

I completely understand your heart! I truly didn't think God could break my heart further for the oprhans of the world until we were there and saw the amount of need. I think about those beautiful children behind the blue gate at the orphanage and weep. For me it has become the older ones - the ones who watch all the babies come and go. The ones who remember being in a family and so desperately want to have a family again. I'm sure we will be back in a few years. Rest in the fact that as of now you have walked in the footsteps laid out before you. You have followed the heart of the Father directly to your beautiful little girl and now He is doing a deep work in you. I'm confident He will make things clear as to what He has for you as you remain pliable in His soft and gentle hands. Bless you today!

Emily said...

I think it has affected everyone on the AA group. All of our kids are there or were there. How can we not feel like we've lost one of our own? Having a baby is such an emotional time, and traveling across the world is an emotional experience....add this, it's really heartbreaking. I've had several bouts of crying about it myself.

The Zimmers said...

It is a heartbreaking time for so many. We are all so saddened for the Dohrenwends. You have witnessed and experienced so much. This emotional wave is only natural. You are a strong and loving mother. Ayana is a BEAUTIFUL little girl. She will give you such strength and joy for all of the years to come.

Leah Reeves said...

Those feeelings and emotions will not go away! I get a rush of emotions when I put Gabre down for a nap or to bed. For all the other children and for what her life would have been like in Ethiopia.
My heart goes out to the family who lost their daughter.
It is so much to take in.

I was just reading a blog of a family who is in China right now to pick up their daughter. The day before they were to get her she was burned very bad and they will not be able to adopter her.

Hang in there the crying will decrease, but not go away!

Leah

Lisa J. said...

Amber - thanks for sharing your tears with us. Your transparency is helpful and will motivate so many to get involved, I hope.

Mona said...

Thank you for this beautiful post. A day doesn't pass that I don't try to figure out how I could do something to help all the children. If you come up with something before I do, count me in! Your daughters are truly blessed to have you as their Mom.

Rebecca said...

I love the pictures - Ayana is adorable!!

I know how you feel about being emotional...I'm the same way and Eli's almost been with us for 3 months. I don't think the emotional part will ever go away. I feel lucky to be his mom and continue to pray for the children without families.

Colleen and Jean-Francois Bertrand said...

Hi Amber! I have not commented in a while and I am not on the feed any longer, so I am not sure if you remember me, but we are an AA family as well. I wanted to tell you how gorgeous little Ayana is! I also wanted to say that I understand your emotions. It is such a sad situation. You would not be human if you weren't emotional and questioning. Keep hugging Ayana saying your prayers. Slowly, we are all making a difference.

XOXO,
C

Autumn said...

I love you Amber! Thanks for sharing your heart. Now all I can see are those poor little kids faces, and I've never even been there myself. When God lets you know what He has for you, let me know so I can help too!

dan and rachel said...

oh amber it is so heartbreaking and i haven't even seen it firsthand...

ayana is gorgeous!

Melanie said...

HI Amber,
I love your blog and your heart that you have for the babies left behind. Your blogs touch my heart. We are close to bringing Jailynn home and we are praying for the funds to bring her home this month. We have our travel dates and we are waiting to see if we will be able to go then. Please keep us in your prayers. I will be praying for the babies in Ethiopia too.

Thanks,
Melanie

Mama's Ramblings said...

OH MY GOODNESS...

I just love the cooing that she is making. TOO CUTE!!

She just look so happy. And the picture of you guys smiling at eachother, just shows joy in both of your eyes.

Domestic Goddess said...

Your honesty has been and will always be my favorite quality of yours. You have a way with words that lets us see directly to your heart. My heart breaks with you for these children, all of them! We will keep praying!

Lindsay said...

Ok, now I'm crying!
By the way, I LOVE that picture where you are holding up Ayana and you are both smiling. I wonder who took that Kodak moment? ;)